#HALF LIFE 2 EPISODE 3 E3 2012 FULL#
"Hello, sir! Care to buy our game? It's first-person and it's full of knifing people in the throat, amongst a couple of other things." I make a point of exposing myself to no hype or preview besides this grudging little annual rundown of three-minute videos, and it disturbs me how little I'm left knowing about Dishonored from this little tease except that you knife a bunch of people in the throat.Īnd what's doubly disturbing is that that alone is what's supposed to win me over: That's knifing people who have got sideburns, rather the alternative would be absurd. So the solution to the first game's clusterfuck issue is to add another player whose job is to throw rocks at people?Īnd besides, five simultaneous players? Do you think we all live in Mormon farmhouses or something? I have enough trouble convincing one friend to come over and sponge my forehead while I'm playing Guitar Hero.īut let's move with no particular direction to Dishonored, Bethesda's new, er, thing, which just going by the trailer seems to be proposing to be a game largely about knifing people with sideburns.
And Steve's new solution is to add a fifth player who uses that stupid Etch-a-Sketch thing to add platforms for his undoubtedly cooler and more popular friends who are actually playing the game. New Super Mario Br - I'm just gonna call it " Steve" from now on, all right? - Steve's main problem was that four simultaneous players bouncing off each other made gameplay an absolute clustermolest in precision platforming environments. franchise is being run by George Lucas and that they bloodymindedly stick to the things everyone hates for no better reason than to stick a middle finger up at the people who didn't mindlessly consume it like good little sheep.
Sometimes it seems like the new Mario, Etc. Wii U Something: If They Brought Any More Extraneous Words Onto This Title It's Gonna Look Like Fridge Magnet Poetry. So while we're on the subject, let's start with New Mario Super Bros. Without games, a console is just an elaborate living room work surface, or in Nintendo's case some kind of Facebook alternative exclusively for meeting people you hate.
#HALF LIFE 2 EPISODE 3 E3 2012 FREE#
Your social concerns do you credit, Nintendo, but leave your conscientious fuckcouragment out of my free time.īut I don't want to harp on the Big Three this year when it's the game trailers that matter. You know what it is? Japan's birthrate is down and Nintendo must have latched onto the idea that it's all their fault for pioneering so many wonderful alternatives to sex. The most I want them joining in on my leisure time is when they're covertly spying on me masturbating. Certainly seemed to follow the usual central commandment: "Thou shalt come out of it knowing about as much about the actual gameplay of the big name titles as thou would if thou had stuck thy head down a toilet."Ĭourse, for the last couple of years there's been a secondary law: "Every new thing thou learnest about the Wii U will somehow make it seem even worse." What is this obsession with using consoles to interact with other people? I've met a lot of other people and they're all twats. What would be the best word to describe this year's E3? "Routine," perhaps.
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